I’m really starting to feel bad about how hard it’s getting for them to understand what I want…they’ve never had a client like me before, and they don’t know what to do!
Two things have happened in the past couple of weeks that have resulted drama and almost-drama respectively because they don’t get me. Actually three. First, they gave me inaccurate/incomplete information about my lab results. They were complaining about my hemoglobin…I looked it up and my hemoglobin was fine…so I asked why it concerned them, what they were basing their judgments and recommendations on, sent them a PDF of the study I’d found that said slightly lower hemoglobin was associated with healthier babies…
HOLY CRAP. They hated me for that.
They apparently thought I didn’t trust them, that I wasn’t taking the situation seriously and was putting myself at risk…but never bothered to answer a single one of my questions!! So then I freaked out, because I felt like I wasn’t being taken seriously and had to wonder whether they actually had science behind them (mind you, it had never crossed my mind before that they wouldn’t). Side note: Around 70% of treatment recommendations in the field of gynecology are based on medical consensus, not on evidence or scientific fact. That’s terrifying, and even more so is the possibility that such attitudes may have carried over into the practice of your Certified Professional Midwives.
Well, Hubby convinced me to back up, apologize, and wait to talk about it in person. I did my best, and also managed to get their sources (YAY). And it turned out that it wasn’t my hemoglobin that was too low even according to their text books! But they’d at least accurately identified an iron issue, it just ought to have been based on the combination of hemoglobin, hematocrit, and red cell count. But they tried to over-simplify the situation so I would just do what they wanted. Well, I don’t work that way.
Everybody else works that way!
But I don’t. I need science.
The second situation has to do with my “doula” and hasn’t been resolved yet, but I’m being a lot more careful how I handle it this time.
You see, I’m what you call an…”introvert.” And I have no need or desire to be surrounded by a ton of people, especially a ton of strangers, while I’m giving birth. But the midwives, understandably, really love doulas because someone else keeping the mama happy makes it easier for them to ensure both the mama and baby are healthy and safe. Can’t blame them for that – but I couldn’t make myself comfortable with the idea of a third person I didn’t even know all that well in my space.
But I had a conversation with my Very Best Friend In The Whole Entire World in which she revealed she’d always wanted to act as a doula for one of her friends’ births. BRILLIANT. Problem solved. I can plan to have a doula, I don’t have to pay hundreds of dollars, midwives will be happy, and I will be mostly happy because I only have two strangers seeing me naked pushing a person out of my vagina instead of three.
But it turns out, they’re all concerned because she’s not a professional, and what if she interferes more than helps, or can’t get there until the last minute, or has to leave early, or doesn’t show up at all…what if she doesn’t take her role seriously and puts her kids first instead of me? *GASP*
Gawd, I hope she puts her kids first. I sure as heck would!
I know she’ll be an hour away, and might not be able to be there the whole time. I’m okay with that. Remember, I didn’t really want an extra person there to begin with – I’m only going with this because it’s her. She’s the person I can talk with for hours about placentas and penises and postpartum problems, so if there’s anyone who isn’t going to make things weird while I’m in labor…
I just have to somehow explain to people who aren’t my besties that just because it wouldn’t work for anybody else doesn’t mean it won’t work for me, even better than the “normal” way… And if it doesn’t work the way we plan or expect, it’s really not going to bother me to have only three people instead of four.
And then there’s the thing that I could let become a thing, but I’m trying not to. It’s kind of similar to the first thing, with the bloodwork…
They said that because I’m rhesus-negative, my baby will have a higher-than-average risk for jaundice. So I looked it up.
Actually, I didn’t know where to start, so I asked in a Facebook group called “Rhogam Rebellion.” Of course, most of those crazy crunchymoms blamed serious jaundice on the vitamin K injection as if babies never got it before 1961… *eye roll* But one of the group admins was helpful, and pointed me towards antibody injection inserts and info on Coombs status. As it turns out, it’s not mom having a negative blood type that increases the risk of jaundice – it’s mom getting the Rhogam shot during pregnancy when her baby is in fact Rh+ that increases the risk.
The Rhogam and similar products contain antibodies to attack the rhesus antigen from baby’s blood before mom’s immune system kicks in and becomes sensitized to it, in case of the two blood supplies mixing. Of course, that means that if the baby may be exposed to the antibodies, which go and attack their red blood cells. Destruction of RBCs releases bilirubin, and immature livers not breaking down that excess bilirubin fast enough can be problematic.
I didn’t get Rhogam at 28 weeks, and I won’t before my baby is born unless I experience a sensitizing event. And by the way if my baby also turns out to be Rh-, I won’t get it at all.
Obviously this doesn’t mean Mosslet will definitely never get jaundice…but now I’m asking myself, are they trying to scare me?? Do they know the science behind what they’re seeing and saying, or are they just following the medical crowd? “Standard of care,” they call it.
Should I say something to them because their information is incomplete? Or will they be offended (again) because they never quite wrapped their heads around my obsession with science after the first incident? What if they keep saying things to their clients that are…misleading? Is that my problem? Or is it wiser for me to just keep my mouth shut, let them do their thing, and know that I know better?
I’m going unassisted next time.
Donna
Not your problem. You keep talking and researching and don’t shut your mouth. Lots of folks support you, you just don’t know them, but we are out there. All your talking may end up educating someone and that is a good thing.